Maybe I should have said, ".....it hurts more to be cheated by a family member, because you trusted them...." Almost everyone has a story to tell about a family member that did them wrong, some of course are worse than others.
My dad never did me wrong, he was a man who's word meant more than any legal contract, if he said it, you could take it to the bank. My mom..... well, not so much.
I truly don't know how much money mom stole over the years,.....tens of thousands for sure, likely well over a hundred thousand. When you realize your mom isn't someone you can trust....it hurts.
Then once you realize she has dementia....you question, was she evil or was it the dementia that caused what she did? Dementia is a horrible disease, how many times have you been told the best thing in life you can have are experiences.....that you can lose your money, your home and everything you own, but your memories are for ever! Sadly, dementia proves even your memories are subject to repossession......
About 10 years ago my mom began telling me stories about the abuse she suffered in her life. She told stories about brutal beatings, she talked about thinking she might not survive and how severe the pain became. Mom claimed my dad beat her so bad that a few times she feared he might kill her.....
Stunned I sat in silence listening to my mom give details that would probably bring the average man to tears. But the stories she told me did not match up with what I knew about my dad.
My wife and I talked about the stories..... she said, ".....well you were a kid, maybe he did it when you weren't around." Then she mentioned that I always talked about my dad like he was perfect....., ".....maybe I blocked out bad memories." Regardless, they were hard stories to listen to......
Then after months and months of mom telling stories about my dad being a horrible person, I finally said, ".....mom I don't remember dad ever hitting you....." My mom then looked at me with a look of disbelief and maybe with a hint of disappointment before she said, ".......well of course you do!!! He beat you too!"
It was then I realized my mom did not know who I was...... Mom thought she was talking to her brother, and the man that beat her, was not my father..... but the man that raised her.
Mom finally passed December 10, 2025.....but dementia claimed her little by little over the last quarter of a century. People outside the medical profession tend to know little about memory loss, .....unless they have a love one with the disease and thus it is thrust upon their family.
Who among us has not turned to google to research an affliction impacting their family. Looking back has often been called history with 20 - 20 vision, in regards to my mom actions that I now know to be signs of dementia stretch back into the early 1990's.
Changes were slow and inconsistent.....but they were there. Of course we didn't know what to look for, or what to do......or if there was anything that could be done. Dementia was just a horrible slow decline down a mental drain of life to an eventual death where every memory you cherish was drained away from you and your family.
So yes, I would like to think the evil things my mom did were a result of dementia and not because she didn't love her family..... but I cannot be sure. While it is true mom stole a lot of money....the memories that dementia stole were of even more value. I have some distant memories of stories that mom told....that I heard as a kid, but like most kids I wasn't paying complete attention.
My lack of attention to mom 50 years ago means those stories are forever lost to time. My favorite example is about time my mom spent caring for a Hollywood star.
My mom moved to California in the early 1960's. Somehow she managed to land a job caring for a few horses. The horses were rented to some famous people in Hollywood, and used to make a few movies and television shows. I remember one of the horses was extremely famous and used on both television and in a few movies.
I wish I could remember the horse's name.....and what shows the horse was on/in.......but I cannot. I do remember the horse was the color it was on tv in real life. I believe it was a Palomino.....and dyed black to play a famous role.....but which one?
Now that I think about it.....I'd rather have the money instead of the memories of mom.....
